Cover: The cover weds Royal gossip and real-estate nosiness with its claim that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are about to spend $ 80 million on a Malibu holiday home. Er, though the actual story inside says $ 16 million. It also says that Markle hasn’t even seen the place. And, yes, she also can’t really spend much time outside of Britain in the run-up to getting citizenship. You gonna nitpick or just enjoy some tasty nonsense?
Stranger danger: Two of the Stranger Things kids are feuding because Millie Bobby Brown is making $ 300,000 per episode and Finn Wolfhard’s only getting $ 250,000. They’ll laugh about it together with Dr. Drew 10 years from now.
LIFE & STYLE
Cover: The truth about Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban: they have “a great sex life,” said an insider, a little too quickly. (Who can that insider be, the lady that restocks the marital-aid hutch?) Nicole says that for each night on tour, “he leaves me a love letter. Every single night of our relationship.” A touching gesture by a husband or, more likely, his assistant.
A house divided: Also reported happy together: George and Amal Clooney, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, Neil Patrick Harris and his spouse, and Maks and Peta from Dancing with the Stars. What the hell kind of gossip mag is this? But the Property Brothers are apparently estranged, thank God.
Cover: Actual inside info! Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge, was attended to immediately post-birth last week by her full-time hair and clothes people, which explains her lightning-quick, startlingly elegant, special-delivery appearance outside the hospital. (I have lingered longer after a teeth cleaning.)
Musical players: The singer of the band opening for Miranda Lambert on tour has ditched his wife and taken up with Lambert. Hey, finding a nice place to sleep on the bus is hard.